This week we're talking about something that can either ruin your life or save it: skinny jeans.
Joke.
I'm talking about food. The scrumptious. What you eat will actually dictate your life whether you want it to or not. If you eat crappy food, your life will likely be less than optimal. If you eat great food, you'll probably marry rich. I promise. Eschewing a life of grimy fast food and vending machine trinkets and instead opting for quality and delicious meals is a guaranteed way to improve your quality of life.
So here comes the question. What do I eat?
Here's one recipe that I recently tried out. After eating the whole batch by myself in one day and posting a few pictures online (of the food, not of me eating it) I received a lot of positive feedback and people asking for me to share it, including a few date offers, a gift certificate to the Container Store, and a cabinet position in the newly elected government of Papua New Guinea. So, without further ado, here's the recipe for Paleo Dark Chocolate Biscotti.
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups of blanched almond flour
1 tablespoon of arrowroot powder (this is a thickening agent)
1/4 teaspoon of Celtic sea salt (racist)
1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
As many dark chocolate chips as you want
Combine the almond flour, arrowroot powder, baking soda, and racist salt. You can use a blender, a food processor, a whisk, your hand, your bulldog's tail stub. Whatever. Just get it mixed.
Next, mix in the agave nectar. Mix it all as thoroughly as possible until it's one thick, sticky glob that ruins everything it touches, like Sammy Hagar.
Sprinkle in the dark chocolate chips evenly and form the dough into two big logs on a baking sheet covered in parchment paper.
Bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. That's Fahrenheit because we believe in democracy. Then take them out and let them cool for about an hour, then summon your inner lumberjack and cut the logs into the proper sized biscotti slices. It's best if you use a knife as a hairbrush is a bit too gentle and a gun lacks a certain finesse.
Put them back in the oven at 300 degrees (think American, again) and let them bake for 15 minutes. When done, let them sit for a while so they can crisp up. Soft biscotti tastes funny. Eat with coffee.
As a side note, just because they are Paleo doesn't mean they are super healthy and can be eaten with reckless abandon. It means they have no gluten or dairy. Almond flour is really calorie dense and agave nectar has the same effect on your blood sugar and insulin as cane sugar. If you kick back and eat these all day you'll still become an illiterate mouth-breather, you'll just be a gluten and dairy-free illiterate mouth-breather.
AOW: This week, for five days straight I want everyone to do 100 air squats per day. An air squat is simply standing straight up with your toes forward, push your butt back and your knees out as you descend, and pause in the bottom (make sure you go all the way down, ass to ankles). Reverse the motion by keeping your knees out and standing up. Make sure you extend your hips fully and squeeze your butt cheeks together at the top of every rep.
Why? Most people don't exercise and most people who do exercise don't train their legs. Running isn't a leg work out, either. Squatting is. Strong legs and glutes are needed for survival. It's essential for human health and function, so give this a shot. 5 days this week, 100 squats per day. If you have trouble squatting, hold onto a door knob to stay upright. If you already exercise regularly and have some proper programming, break up the reps throughout the day so it won't be as difficult and won't interfere with your training. If you don't exercise already, do all 100 at once, as fast as you can. Try to get faster every day. Ignore the burn. Find a way. Finish with some post-workout biscotti and enjoy having a rad butt.
Also, buy Cazz's new EP on iTunes. You don't have a say in the matter.
Stay filthy.
Love the tenor of your blog - very refreshing. Can't wait to try your biscotti too!
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