"Come Fly with Me"
Stay filthy.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The Wednesday Collage Part 3: So Long
Enjoy the biscotti coma? Shake it off with some music and stuff to look at.
Stay filthy.
"So Long" - Cazz
Alva OG
"Heartbeat" - Childish Gambino
Go Down with It
"Just One Look" - Doris Troy
Backwash
"Primitive Girl" - M. Ward
Tuned In
"Piss" - Pantera (the lost track)
Stay filthy.
"So Long" - Cazz
"Heartbeat" - Childish Gambino
"Just One Look" - Doris Troy
"Primitive Girl" - M. Ward
"Piss" - Pantera (the lost track)
‘And ask ye why these sad tears stream?’
'And ask ye why these sad tears stream?'
‘Te somnia nostra reducunt.’
OVID.
And ask ye why these sad tears stream?
Why these wan eyes are dim with weeping?
I had a dream–a lovely dream,
Of her that in the grave is sleeping.
I saw her as ’twas yesterday,
The bloom upon her cheek still glowing;
And round her play’d a golden ray,
And on her brows were gay flowers blowing.
With angel-hand she swept a lyre,
A garland red with roses bound it;
Its strings were wreath’d with lambent fire
And amaranth was woven round it.
I saw her mid the realms of light,
In everlasting radiance gleaming;
Co-equal with the seraphs bright,
Mid thousand thousand angels beaming.
I strove to reach her, when, behold,
Those fairy forms of bliss Elysian,
And all that rich scene wrapt in gold,
Faded in air–a lovely vision!
And I awoke, but oh! to me
That waking hour was doubly weary;
And yet I could not envy thee,
Although so blest, and I so dreary.
‘Te somnia nostra reducunt.’
OVID.
And ask ye why these sad tears stream?
Why these wan eyes are dim with weeping?
I had a dream–a lovely dream,
Of her that in the grave is sleeping.
I saw her as ’twas yesterday,
The bloom upon her cheek still glowing;
And round her play’d a golden ray,
And on her brows were gay flowers blowing.
With angel-hand she swept a lyre,
A garland red with roses bound it;
Its strings were wreath’d with lambent fire
And amaranth was woven round it.
I saw her mid the realms of light,
In everlasting radiance gleaming;
Co-equal with the seraphs bright,
Mid thousand thousand angels beaming.
I strove to reach her, when, behold,
Those fairy forms of bliss Elysian,
And all that rich scene wrapt in gold,
Faded in air–a lovely vision!
And I awoke, but oh! to me
That waking hour was doubly weary;
And yet I could not envy thee,
Although so blest, and I so dreary.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Axe to Fall by J Bannon
Monday, April 16, 2012
Paleo Dark Chocolate Biscotti
Welcome back to Dirt On Your Hands after what was hopefully a lovely week off. You probably enjoyed a veggie-less, strong coffee-less week of sleeping really late. Now that you're done being lazy and useless, let's get back to work on living a gnarly life.
This week we're talking about something that can either ruin your life or save it: skinny jeans.
Joke.
I'm talking about food. The scrumptious. What you eat will actually dictate your life whether you want it to or not. If you eat crappy food, your life will likely be less than optimal. If you eat great food, you'll probably marry rich. I promise. Eschewing a life of grimy fast food and vending machine trinkets and instead opting for quality and delicious meals is a guaranteed way to improve your quality of life.
So here comes the question. What do I eat?
Here's one recipe that I recently tried out. After eating the whole batch by myself in one day and posting a few pictures online (of the food, not of me eating it) I received a lot of positive feedback and people asking for me to share it, including a few date offers, a gift certificate to the Container Store, and a cabinet position in the newly elected government of Papua New Guinea. So, without further ado, here's the recipe for Paleo Dark Chocolate Biscotti.
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups of blanched almond flour
1 tablespoon of arrowroot powder (this is a thickening agent)
1/4 teaspoon of Celtic sea salt (racist)
1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
As many dark chocolate chips as you want
Combine the almond flour, arrowroot powder, baking soda, and racist salt. You can use a blender, a food processor, a whisk, your hand, your bulldog's tail stub. Whatever. Just get it mixed.
Next, mix in the agave nectar. Mix it all as thoroughly as possible until it's one thick, sticky glob that ruins everything it touches, like Sammy Hagar.
Sprinkle in the dark chocolate chips evenly and form the dough into two big logs on a baking sheet covered in parchment paper.
Bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. That's Fahrenheit because we believe in democracy. Then take them out and let them cool for about an hour, then summon your inner lumberjack and cut the logs into the proper sized biscotti slices. It's best if you use a knife as a hairbrush is a bit too gentle and a gun lacks a certain finesse.
Put them back in the oven at 300 degrees (think American, again) and let them bake for 15 minutes. When done, let them sit for a while so they can crisp up. Soft biscotti tastes funny. Eat with coffee.
As a side note, just because they are Paleo doesn't mean they are super healthy and can be eaten with reckless abandon. It means they have no gluten or dairy. Almond flour is really calorie dense and agave nectar has the same effect on your blood sugar and insulin as cane sugar. If you kick back and eat these all day you'll still become an illiterate mouth-breather, you'll just be a gluten and dairy-free illiterate mouth-breather.
Better with roosters and EVOO.
AOW: This week, for five days straight I want everyone to do 100 air squats per day. An air squat is simply standing straight up with your toes forward, push your butt back and your knees out as you descend, and pause in the bottom (make sure you go all the way down, ass to ankles). Reverse the motion by keeping your knees out and standing up. Make sure you extend your hips fully and squeeze your butt cheeks together at the top of every rep.
Why? Most people don't exercise and most people who do exercise don't train their legs. Running isn't a leg work out, either. Squatting is. Strong legs and glutes are needed for survival. It's essential for human health and function, so give this a shot. 5 days this week, 100 squats per day. If you have trouble squatting, hold onto a door knob to stay upright. If you already exercise regularly and have some proper programming, break up the reps throughout the day so it won't be as difficult and won't interfere with your training. If you don't exercise already, do all 100 at once, as fast as you can. Try to get faster every day. Ignore the burn. Find a way. Finish with some post-workout biscotti and enjoy having a rad butt.
Also, buy Cazz's new EP on iTunes. You don't have a say in the matter.
Stay filthy.
This week we're talking about something that can either ruin your life or save it: skinny jeans.
Joke.
I'm talking about food. The scrumptious. What you eat will actually dictate your life whether you want it to or not. If you eat crappy food, your life will likely be less than optimal. If you eat great food, you'll probably marry rich. I promise. Eschewing a life of grimy fast food and vending machine trinkets and instead opting for quality and delicious meals is a guaranteed way to improve your quality of life.
So here comes the question. What do I eat?
Here's one recipe that I recently tried out. After eating the whole batch by myself in one day and posting a few pictures online (of the food, not of me eating it) I received a lot of positive feedback and people asking for me to share it, including a few date offers, a gift certificate to the Container Store, and a cabinet position in the newly elected government of Papua New Guinea. So, without further ado, here's the recipe for Paleo Dark Chocolate Biscotti.
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups of blanched almond flour
1 tablespoon of arrowroot powder (this is a thickening agent)
1/4 teaspoon of Celtic sea salt (racist)
1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
As many dark chocolate chips as you want
Combine the almond flour, arrowroot powder, baking soda, and racist salt. You can use a blender, a food processor, a whisk, your hand, your bulldog's tail stub. Whatever. Just get it mixed.
Next, mix in the agave nectar. Mix it all as thoroughly as possible until it's one thick, sticky glob that ruins everything it touches, like Sammy Hagar.
Sprinkle in the dark chocolate chips evenly and form the dough into two big logs on a baking sheet covered in parchment paper.
Bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. That's Fahrenheit because we believe in democracy. Then take them out and let them cool for about an hour, then summon your inner lumberjack and cut the logs into the proper sized biscotti slices. It's best if you use a knife as a hairbrush is a bit too gentle and a gun lacks a certain finesse.
Put them back in the oven at 300 degrees (think American, again) and let them bake for 15 minutes. When done, let them sit for a while so they can crisp up. Soft biscotti tastes funny. Eat with coffee.
As a side note, just because they are Paleo doesn't mean they are super healthy and can be eaten with reckless abandon. It means they have no gluten or dairy. Almond flour is really calorie dense and agave nectar has the same effect on your blood sugar and insulin as cane sugar. If you kick back and eat these all day you'll still become an illiterate mouth-breather, you'll just be a gluten and dairy-free illiterate mouth-breather.
AOW: This week, for five days straight I want everyone to do 100 air squats per day. An air squat is simply standing straight up with your toes forward, push your butt back and your knees out as you descend, and pause in the bottom (make sure you go all the way down, ass to ankles). Reverse the motion by keeping your knees out and standing up. Make sure you extend your hips fully and squeeze your butt cheeks together at the top of every rep.
Why? Most people don't exercise and most people who do exercise don't train their legs. Running isn't a leg work out, either. Squatting is. Strong legs and glutes are needed for survival. It's essential for human health and function, so give this a shot. 5 days this week, 100 squats per day. If you have trouble squatting, hold onto a door knob to stay upright. If you already exercise regularly and have some proper programming, break up the reps throughout the day so it won't be as difficult and won't interfere with your training. If you don't exercise already, do all 100 at once, as fast as you can. Try to get faster every day. Ignore the burn. Find a way. Finish with some post-workout biscotti and enjoy having a rad butt.
Also, buy Cazz's new EP on iTunes. You don't have a say in the matter.
Stay filthy.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Sinatra Saturday the Second
Whatever you're getting ready for tonight or whatever you're cooking tomorrow morning, Sinatra should be the perfect soundtrack. If he's not, you should rethink what you're up to. The importance of this can not be overstated.
"All of Me"
Stay filthy.
Stay filthy.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The Wednesday Collage 2: Ghost Walking
Thanks for the feedback on Monday's post. Anyone care to share their veggie munching experiences?
Stay Filthy.
Dream cream.
"Autumn Leaves" - Nat King Cole
Dots.
"Ghost Walking" - Lamb of God
Shake it up.
"Drink in my Hand" - Eric Church
Stealth.
"When I Fall in Love" - Billy Childs with Chris Botti
Stay Filthy.
"Autumn Leaves" - Nat King Cole
"Ghost Walking" - Lamb of God
"Drink in my Hand" - Eric Church
"When I Fall in Love" - Billy Childs with Chris Botti
| I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone | ||
| by Rainer Maria Rilke translated by Annemarie S. Kidder | ||
I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone
enough
to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small
enough
to be to you just object and thing,
dark and smart.
I want my free will and want it accompanying
the path which leads to action;
and want during times that beg questions,
where something is up,
to be among those in the know,
or else be alone.
I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,
never be blind or too old
to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent;
for there I would be dishonest, untrue.
I want my conscience to be
true before you;
want to describe myself like a picture I observed
for a long time, one close up,
like a new word I learned and embraced,
like the everday jug,
like my mother's face,
like a ship that carried me along
through the deadliest storm.
 Jane Doe by J. Bannon
| ||
Monday, April 2, 2012
5 Thoughts for a Better Night Out
Picture this. It's Sinatra Saturday, again (which I so irresponsibly forgot to post last week) and you are putting the finishing touches on your evening's attire; completing the fresh tuck, brushing off your wingtips, and ensuring that your breath doesn't smell like hot dog water and old people (clearly this describes men, as I have no idea what women do to get ready, though I'm certain it involves Crisco, a paperback edition of Pride and Prejudice, and the board game Candyland). Before you know it, six hours have gone by, you're broke, unkempt, nursing a terrible buzz, and you didn't even have fun. What the hell happened? I don't know. I wasn't there. But, whatever it was, I have some thoughts (not tips; I'm not a bathroom attendant at a country club) on how things could've gone better.
1. Dress Better
While the above hypothetical obviously emphasizes a well-dressed man, most of us simply dress like morons. If you've ever worn camouflage shorts or a bedazzled dragon t-shirt anywhere but a Massengill convention, you fall into that category. I get it. It's not 1963 and we're not on the set of Mad Men. But have you thought about why so many women watch Mad Men? I'll give you a hint. It's not because of the uplifting story line and overwhelming air of optimism. It's because the dudes look sharp. Be sharp.
Wingtips: great with camo shorts
2. Ditch the Silver Bullet
I know what it feels like to relax poolside with an ice cold Corona or watch the Stanley Cup while nursing a Coors. It feels good. But, this isn't your living room and you're not wearing a Hula shirt (see above). If you want to drink cheap beer, stay at home. A fine watering hole is the perfect opportunity to try something new, delicious, and yes, expensive. It's expensive for a reason. Try out a new beer that your local Circle K doesn't have. Enjoy an expertly crafted Old Fashioned. Whatever it is, don't order beer in a can when the situation calls for something much more grandiose, unless you're there to get drunk. That brings us to...
Top Shelf
3. Stop Getting Trashed
Drinking is like affection from a new girlfriend; a little bit is a fine icing on a ice cream cake, but a lot can make you nakedly chase your neighbor's shih tzu because he reminds you of Pearl Harbor and that was just "a G*d damn low blow". No one likes sitting next to the guy who is burping up beer every time he laughs. No one likes guarding the girl who was lapping up Jager shots for two hours because she's hitting on every guy who may someday inspire an episode of Criminal Minds. Know your limits and stay within them. You'll never have to wonder how you lost your new phone, wallet, and roommate's jacket, not that that's ever happened to anyone I know. Also, shih tzus are Chinese. Keep this in mind.
4. Don't Try to Sleep with Everyone
Other than the practical benefits of not feeling the burn every time you pee and the extra coin in the pocket that would've gone to child support, nights out are just more fun when you're not worried about whether or not someone's coming home with you. The crushing social pressure of not trying to screw anything up can cripple even the smoothest of tongues. Just talk to a girl. Listen to what she has to say. If it's about a great book she's reading or her favorite coffee shop in that city you're heading to next week, then congrats, you just found a girl that you may want to pursue outside of any scenario where David Guetta is playing in the background. If she's talking about how she works out for 2 hours a day and then lays by the pool...move on. Actually getting to know someone is way more fun than hooking up with a stranger and regretting it. But seriously, 2 hours a day?
5. Be a Good Person
Buy the first round, shake the bartender's hand, and tip your waiter. Your night was memorable because these people made it that way, not because of your stellar "that's what she said" joke. Show them your appreciation and they may make your next night out even more memorable.
"Excuse me, you dropped your Susan B. Anthony coin...
Oh, how thoughtful of you."
AOW: Add 1 cup of vegetables to every meal that you eat this week. This is not a tall order. 1 cup is pretty small and no one is asking for a gourmet dish here. A few bags of frozen broccoli should do the trick or a big bag of spinach. Whatever. Don't get caught up in the details of what vegetable or how it's prepared. Just cook (or don't) and eat. Enjoy the benefits of proper bowel movements, better mood, hair, skin, eyes, and life. Seriously, the difference is unbelievable. This is something you should try to do forever or at least take the sentiment with you (ie., eat more vegetables). Health is not the false dichotomy of either being a Big Mac huffing mouth breather or a dirt-worshiping vegan. You don't have to give up normal food just because you're eating vegetables. And potatoes don't count.
Stay filthy.
1. Dress Better
While the above hypothetical obviously emphasizes a well-dressed man, most of us simply dress like morons. If you've ever worn camouflage shorts or a bedazzled dragon t-shirt anywhere but a Massengill convention, you fall into that category. I get it. It's not 1963 and we're not on the set of Mad Men. But have you thought about why so many women watch Mad Men? I'll give you a hint. It's not because of the uplifting story line and overwhelming air of optimism. It's because the dudes look sharp. Be sharp.
2. Ditch the Silver Bullet
I know what it feels like to relax poolside with an ice cold Corona or watch the Stanley Cup while nursing a Coors. It feels good. But, this isn't your living room and you're not wearing a Hula shirt (see above). If you want to drink cheap beer, stay at home. A fine watering hole is the perfect opportunity to try something new, delicious, and yes, expensive. It's expensive for a reason. Try out a new beer that your local Circle K doesn't have. Enjoy an expertly crafted Old Fashioned. Whatever it is, don't order beer in a can when the situation calls for something much more grandiose, unless you're there to get drunk. That brings us to...
3. Stop Getting Trashed
Drinking is like affection from a new girlfriend; a little bit is a fine icing on a ice cream cake, but a lot can make you nakedly chase your neighbor's shih tzu because he reminds you of Pearl Harbor and that was just "a G*d damn low blow". No one likes sitting next to the guy who is burping up beer every time he laughs. No one likes guarding the girl who was lapping up Jager shots for two hours because she's hitting on every guy who may someday inspire an episode of Criminal Minds. Know your limits and stay within them. You'll never have to wonder how you lost your new phone, wallet, and roommate's jacket, not that that's ever happened to anyone I know. Also, shih tzus are Chinese. Keep this in mind.
4. Don't Try to Sleep with Everyone
Other than the practical benefits of not feeling the burn every time you pee and the extra coin in the pocket that would've gone to child support, nights out are just more fun when you're not worried about whether or not someone's coming home with you. The crushing social pressure of not trying to screw anything up can cripple even the smoothest of tongues. Just talk to a girl. Listen to what she has to say. If it's about a great book she's reading or her favorite coffee shop in that city you're heading to next week, then congrats, you just found a girl that you may want to pursue outside of any scenario where David Guetta is playing in the background. If she's talking about how she works out for 2 hours a day and then lays by the pool...move on. Actually getting to know someone is way more fun than hooking up with a stranger and regretting it. But seriously, 2 hours a day?
5. Be a Good Person
Buy the first round, shake the bartender's hand, and tip your waiter. Your night was memorable because these people made it that way, not because of your stellar "that's what she said" joke. Show them your appreciation and they may make your next night out even more memorable.
Oh, how thoughtful of you."
AOW: Add 1 cup of vegetables to every meal that you eat this week. This is not a tall order. 1 cup is pretty small and no one is asking for a gourmet dish here. A few bags of frozen broccoli should do the trick or a big bag of spinach. Whatever. Don't get caught up in the details of what vegetable or how it's prepared. Just cook (or don't) and eat. Enjoy the benefits of proper bowel movements, better mood, hair, skin, eyes, and life. Seriously, the difference is unbelievable. This is something you should try to do forever or at least take the sentiment with you (ie., eat more vegetables). Health is not the false dichotomy of either being a Big Mac huffing mouth breather or a dirt-worshiping vegan. You don't have to give up normal food just because you're eating vegetables. And potatoes don't count.
Stay filthy.
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