The 15 Rules of Summer

I was 4 years old when I ate my first rattlesnake.

My father and I had met up with my oldest brother's Boy Scout troop at a stop on the Silver Moccasin Trail when a baby rattler slid into camp and threatened some of the more squeamish travelers. With a roll of his eyes, the trailmaster nonchalantly grabbed the snake by the neck (if snakes have them) and lopped off its hissing head his with a worn, rusty hatchet. Minutes later that snake was skinned, drained, cooked over an open fire, and perched, still smoking on the plate in front of me.

When I was 17, after plenty of pouting and coaxing, my girlfriend and I jumped off of a bridge into the waters of the Balboa Bay, her scream following us close behind. I'm rather certain that I hit the bottom, draped briefly in soggy kelp and sediment, but she emerged in slow motion, flicking water from her skin like a younger, non-corn-rowed Bo Derek.

At 21, I got lost with some friends of mine and a bottle of wine in Venice, Italy, after a long night on the town, chaperoned by our hotel concierge. After meandering through maze-like foot paths and charming (so we thought) local shopkeepers, we somehow wandered into St. Mark's Square and ended our night dancing to the strings of an orchestra, playing in the open air under the watchful eye of the Campanile.

In our younger days, the lore of summer was its freedom. After nine months of purgatory spent behind a desk, serenaded by the less than sweet lulls of our now beloved teachers, the bell had rung and the world was ours.

No alarm clocks, no schedules, and most importantly, no rules.

But, that same lack of rules that led to summer adventures as children has seemingly robbed of us of our wanderlust as adults. No rules now means sleeping until noon, never setting foot outside, and watching 3 seasons of Entourage in one day.

As Walker Lamond laments in his charming Rules for My Unborn Son, somewhere along the line, rules got a bad rap. Rules give us boundaries and guidelines to work between and standards up to which we look. They narrow our focus and magnify our aim, enhancing our efforts to dirty up our hands, again.

So what if the rules we actually loathed as children were to lead us back towards the mythical, magical summer?

School's out, temperatures are up, and tan lines are in full effect. Vacations are booked, road trips mapped out, and for some odd reason, the 24 hour flu seems suspiciously active every Monday and Friday.

These are the days of which memories, memoirs, and movies are made.

While we celebrate the carefree throes of summer and the air of freedom it brings, let us not be bogged down by ample options or held back by an often paralyzing sense of freedom. Even summer needs some rules. These rules don't reel you in or strike a smile from you newly sun-kissed face, but they amplify your wanderlust and help provide a more focused, motivated outlet to relish in your hot nights and cool mornings.

These are your rules for summer.

*Note: these rules are obviously oriented towards men as I am not in the habit of telling women what to do, both in real life and on the internet. However, one of the hallmarks of living with dirt on your hands is the ability to draw what is useful from damn near any bunch of syllables, so there may or may not be a nugget or two of wisdom for the females. I make no promises.

                            CA Highway 1, en route to Northern California

1. No shoes, no shirts, no problem. They're called summer feet for a reason. Any endeavor that doesn't outwardly require any form of footwear should be seen as an invitation to free your feet. As for shirts, the last thing you should be thinking about when the mercury hits triple digits is adding another layer, no matter how thin it is. So, go primal, get some sun, and damn the farmer's tan to hell. Not comfortable without a shirt on? First, eat better, run some hills sprints, and then realize how overrated six pack abs are.

2. Sky's out, thighs out. In every moment shy of a boardroom or dinner date, your gams are dying to be freed. Not, that there's anything wrong with wearing thick cut selvedge jeans to a pool party, but there is. Length should be above the knee and below any area that gets you on an exclusive list of people who need to introduce themselves to their neighbors. Not comfortable with your legs? We've got a few ideas on how to fix that.

3. AC off; windows down. While it may be tempting to hole yourself up in your home or car when the temperature creeps up into the hundreds, I guarantee that the breeze of a ceiling fan on an outdoor patio or the wind in your hair going down PCH (or whatever you mid-westerners drive) feels exponentially better than 75 degrees, locked inside an apartment.

4. Hydrate and hurt something. Well, maybe don't hurt something. But, there's a reason why nobody drinks shandies in November or Pina Coladas during Hanukah. Summer is known for her drinks, and when you've downed enough water to sustain the quality of life expressed in #3, feel free to make the most of the season's menu.

5. Take fire, add meat. Aside from the fact that stove top recipes, oven roasts, and crock pot cuisine raise the temperature of your home by ten degrees, meat just tastes better when grilled over flame. Summer is the perfect time of year to practice your smoking, barbecuing, grilling, or whatever other crazy ways Texans have found to heat meat to appropriate temperatures. As bonus, you can take part in #1-4 while doing #5, preferably with some close friends nearby to tell you how badly you're burning the brisket.

6. Vacation early and often. This rule almost necessitates its own post. Instead of lamenting how you can't go to Cabo this year or how your totes fav hotel on Maui is all booked up, ask yourself this question: what is four hours from me in every direction? 90% of readers won't know the answer. Get out a map, pick a spot, pack a bag, wake up early, and go. Which story would you rather tell; how you relaxed on a beach in a country that only serves tourists or how you got lost with your best friend while trying to find a fabled Civil War hideout?

            Nothing behind me, everything in front of me. As is ever so in a Chevy Chase film.

7. Keep a bag packed. I took part in a lot of road trips this past winter and planning and packing was a chore. Snow boots, layers, scarves, extras of everything in case they get wet, the list goes on and on. The glory of summer is that swim trunks, a tooth brush, a nice shirt, and sun block are really all you need to get by for damn near any trip you're taking. Keep a go-bag in your car or by your door and #6 may happen more often than you'd think.

8. Sweat is sexy. As temperatures climb, you have two options: spray enough cologne to rival a Hummer limo on prom night or just embrace it. Please choose the latter. If you dress the part (think Paul Newman in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof; not Jack Black in Tropic Thunder) then you're not sweating, you're glistening. You go from a guy trying to hide the most basic bodily function to a man diving head first into the season. That doesn't mean you skip the deodorant, though.

9. Everything is better outside. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, workouts, concerts, movies, dates, dancing, and everything else that people can possibly do. If you spent your fall, winter, and spring in the Polar Vortex, I'm sure you'll be glad to be on the other side of that window.

10. Get on the water. As a boy, I took numerous expeditions down the Colorado River through Black Canyon on a canoe; days long camping trips that involved water gun fights, cliff diving, and occasionally tipping over at the behest of big, fast motorboats. I'd recommend such trips to anyone, but your summer plans needn't be so elaborate. Float down a crick on an inner tube, learn how to body surf, or just straddle a noodle in your neighbor's swimming pool. Whatever you do, get wet before winter rolls around, again.

11. Turn it up to eleven. There is nothing quite like the romantic notion of Charlie Parker drifting through the open air of your kitchen on a Thursday in December. That's not true. Music is certainly good year round, but it's always much better during the summer when played over backyard parties, late night board games, or blaring through the dashboard as you're drifting down the highway. Whether it's Frank Sinatra, Doris Troy, Blondie, The Walkmen, or even Miley Cyrus (but not Miley Cyrus) every summer is better with a soundtrack played behind it.

12. Think of the children. As age creeps up on us, it's easy to wake up one day and find that you've become the neighborhood curmudgeon or the dad who always says no. Hell, I realized last week that to my neighbor's kids I'm probably James Earl Jones and my dog is the beast from The Sandlot. Now think of your best summer memories as a kid. Did they involve some grumpy, old dream-ruiner telling you to keep it down at 6pm or to sit inside and stay out of the dirt? I sure hope not. So take your children to see the Grand Canyon. Let the neighborhood munchkins climb the tree in your front yard and for goodness' sake, throw the balls back over the fence.

                        "Mr. Eastwood, our football went into your yard, again..."

13. Ask a woman out. You know how you trudge all through the winter, grow a beard, pack on the layers, and then rejoice once summer comes around as you leap forth from hibernation into a pair of flip flops and wife-beaters? Women do the same thing, but instead of sandals and tank tops it's heels and sundresses. Once summer is gone, it'll be months before you see the thin, flowing masterpiece that is the sundress, again. Do not miss this chance. If someone catches your eye, stop breathing through your mouth, walk up to her and politely introduce yourself. Start a conversation, ask if you can take her dancing, or to dinner, or even to grab a drink (coffee is a drink). If she says yes, try not to squeal. If she says no, thank her for her time, be a grown man, and realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. And that other woman a few booths over has been giving you the eye since you walked in, FYI.

14. Put the phone down...but take plenty of pictures. This can be tough to balance, but both are equally important. You want to see the world through your eyes, not through a filter on Instagram, but telling your grandchildren about the time you got lost driving through the Trinity Forest is more meaningful if you have pictures to back it up. So, here's a solid standard: take candid pictures of your friends while they're genuinely enjoying themselves. Ensure that they do the same for you. You can swap shots later and rest assured knowing that you'll never ruin a moment by trying to take a selfie.

15. Enjoy and say thank you. It's no secret that the number of summers you spend in this life is small and gets smaller every year. Blink long enough and you'll open your eyes as an old man, telling stories to rowdy young kids. Just like #12, the stories you tell them will influence the goals they set and the adventures in which they partake. Make it worth their time and yours. This summer will never happen again. Do not use a minute of it wishing you would've jumped in the deep end or hiked beyond that trail-head. From now until the days cool down, ride that summer wind as far as your sense of adventure will take you and when September rolls around again, be grateful for the months you lived and look forward to the next one.

You are just one highway sign away from a remarkable summer chapter in the story of your life. Following some rules might help you write it more clearly.


Stay filthy.

DB

Practical Paleo

Does eating food confuse you? Chewing and swallowing got you down? Then, come settle in for a lesson, dear friends. It's time for a better life through better nutrition.

Peter Parker's smart, dead uncle said, "with great power comes great responsibility." At the time, he was talking about being a human-spider hybrid, but had Peter Parker sacked up and stopped a criminal when he had the chance, thus inadvertently saving Uncle Ben's life (and his rice), he'd probably say the same thing about the internet.

                                                     His legacy lives on.

Never before has information been so easily accessible to the majority of people on Earth and never before has that caused such mass confusion over what is actually accurate.

Case in point: eating stuff.

50 years ago, if you brought up your diet in a conversation everyone would look at you weird, mainly because nobody cared. It was food. Put it in your mouth, gnash your teeth together, and slide it down your throat hole until sated.

Since then, we've managed to turn a four letter word into a library of misconceptions, quasi-religious theory, and good old-fashioned voodoo. As a side effect, people are unhealthier than ever before. Obesity, heart disease, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, rampant arthritis, sexual dysfunction, and chronic stress are just a few health problems that are now pretty common...in young adults. While nutrition isn't the only cause of these ailments, it's certainly a large, contributing factor. So, how can we eat to maximize our health, enjoy our meals, and not drive ourselves crazy with the stress of over-thinking our food choices? Simply combine nutritional science with behavioral study to create what I call "Practical Paleo," the official diet of DOYH.

To properly examine what this kind of eating entails, let's examine the parts of the whole.

First off, we have Paleo. Paleo is a somewhat nebulous term that describes a way of eating focused on mimicking the dietary habits of our Paleolithic ancestors, as they are thought to be stronger, smarter, and healthier than their modern counterparts.

Why so nebulous? Well, there wasn't a singular "Paleo" man who only ate XYZ and lived a certain way. There were, in fact, myriad Paleolithic people who all had varied diets and lived to varying degrees of health, some of them contradicting one another. Similarly, Paleo advocates don't even agree on what a Paleo diet is. Some folks shame you for eating vegetables that aren't green while others drink raw milk and ghee everyday. So, cutting out the extremist outliers, here's the simplest way to understand Paleo: eat a grip load of vegetables and some fruit (all organic and seasonal) while knocking back as much dead animal (grass-fed, free range, and wild caught) as possible. Then grunt every time you see fire.

                                                     This week on Dr. Oz.

Why is this a good thing? First of all, everything you are eating is ridiculously good for you and nothing you are eating is bad for you. There is rarely an instance in which someone is eating too many vegetables and try all you want, you can't justify a Ben and Jerry's weekend if you've decided to go Paleo.

I can hear the foam accruing on the sides of the mouths of some vegans out there, so let's clear this up. Meat, even red meat, is not bad for you. Just about every study that concluded that saturated fat and cholesterol are dangerous has been handily debunked and science is actually demonstrating that saturated fats are crucial for cellular health and diets low in saturated fat lead to lower cognitive function. The key phrase here though is "grass fed" beef. The fatty-acid profile of a cow raised in pasture is rich in Omega 3s and CLA, while conventionally raised meat is rich in indigestion. Let's continue.

Secondly, Paleo eating tends to eliminate any food allergies or sensitivities one may have. Paleo eliminates dairy, soy, corn, legumes, and grains from the diet. I am well aware that only a very small percentage of people have Celiac's or are lactose intolerant (haters). I also laugh when Jim Gaffigan says he might be lactose intolerant because he feels awful after drinking four milkshakes. I get it. But understand that if your doctor says you're not allergic to grains but you get nauseous and foggy after eating oatmeal every morning, maybe you should still consider not eating it. We tend to ignore how we feel in favor of clinical diagnoses, which can be favorable in some instances, but if you need to lie down every time you have brown rice, you may have just figured out what's bothering you, no copay needed. So, in the absence of the thousands of dollars worth of the blood work that it takes to find out what foods don't sit well with you, just give Paleo a shot and do away with the most common offenders.

               "Well, she's not showing any allergies to Crystal Meth, so that can't be the problem."

So, Paleo might not be the best way to eat because of sound science or research, but it certainly is a simple and straightforward way to determine what to eat in the absence of science.

"So, should I just eat Paleo or is there anything wrong with it?"

Here's where the practical part fits.

Many people have a difficult time complying to a Paleo-type diet. The number one reason is that people believe it to be outside of their budgets and the number two reason is that people believe it to be restrictive.

It's easy to understand why folks believe the first complaint; they imagine spending their Sunday at Whole Foods buying artichokes that were grown by virgins in white tunics who sing to the soil. That cost is always carried on to the consumer.

On top of this, people always try to find Paleo substitutes for the foods they used to eat. The ingredients to make a loaf of Paleo "bread" are probably about 3-4 times the cost of the ingredients for bread. Paleo ice cream is 3 times the price of Ben and Jerry's and has to be imported from the Yukon.

If the notion of taking out a small loan just to make fritatta sounds ridiculous, it's because it is. It doesn't have to be this way.

The simple solution is to stick to the "meat and veggies" model (with some fruit and starches) but stop buying organic produce. This is going to be a tough one for some folks to swallow (all the puns intended). The simple fact is the research as to whether or not organic produce is better for you (or whether or not conventional produce is worse for you) is inconclusive.*

It may be better for the environment, but that depends on from where you buy the produce. If that's your concern, try a farmer's market, but if you still think you need to shell out $100 a week on organic produce at a Whole Paycheck, that's on you.

If you want to take it further, buy conventionally raised "lean" meats. The difference in nutritional value between conventionally raised and farm raised meats is the fatty-acid profile. If you're going to buy meat that has little to no fat (chicken breast, turkey cutlets, etc.) then that's not really something about which you need to worry. Cut some costs and go conventional, unless you have a moral problem with factory farms, which is again, on you.

"But what about muh donutz?? I can never eat them, again?"

Welcome to one of the hallmarks of Practical Paleo.

Welcome to Vice Saturday.

                                                 Donuts: Now Paleo-friendly.

On Vice Saturday, you can eat and drink whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want.

Donuts? Yup. Pancakes? Yup. Gluten pie? Yup. Babies??? Check with the parents.

Before we take this any further, let's address some common concerns you may have about this.

"Won't this undo what I did all week?"

Nope. Research has demonstrated that there is no demonstrable difference between 100% compliance to a diet and 85-90% compliance to a diet. Read that again. So, if you run the math on your own, whatever you eat on Saturday is unlikely to contribute more than 15% of your total weekly consumption.

"Isn't this binge eating?"

Yes and no. In my experience, the first 2 or 3 weeks of Vice Saturday turn into Binge Saturday, but that sentiment quickly disappears after two important realizations. First of all, people get used to not eating garbage all the time and they feel less of an urge to "go nuts" on Saturday. Secondly, eating a short stack of pancakes dipped in Rocky Road is only fun for about 20 minutes. Once the food settles in your bloodstream, you begin to hate your decisions. This gets old really quickly.

As a personal anecdote, I went buck wild my first few weekends of experimentation, but it's hard to have a fun Saturday in the mountains when your stomach punches you in the stomach. Now, typically I eat pancakes for breakfast, a midday snack, and I go out to dinner. This is less food than I'd have on a normal weekday.

So, yes you'll likely binge, but binging one or two times isn't unhealthy. Binging regularly is.

"Why don't I just eat all of these 'junk' foods during the week, but in moderation?"

My answer would be, why don't you? The food isn't necessarily the problem, it's an individual's self control. If you're the kind of person who can eat a square of chocolate everyday and not crave anymore, then screw you, Wolverine. We humans can't do that.

A serving of ice cream is about half of a bowl, but everybody eats a full, damn bowl. In theory, this isn't a problem, but people have bad habits. Moderation quickly becomes every night. So, "moderately" eating ice cream becomes five to six full bowls a week. Try eating that much in a day and see how it works out for you.

                                               Imodium AD: Now Paleo-friendly.

The point is, we can either try to fight our rapidly decreasing willpower everyday and go to war with cookies or we can adopt a system that recognizes our shortcomings and tempers them with strategy. Get with it.

"What about Sunday?"

Welcome to the second hallmark of Practical Paleo. 

Sunday No Funday.

After a long day of eating heathen abominations, Sunday is for fasting. That's not a joke; water, tea, and black coffee only.

Ritualistic fasting has been used to improve health and focus for centuries. If someone doesn't eat for two hours, we look at them like they have an eating disorder, yet cultures have been reaping the benefits of not eating for as far as history can see.

"Won't I die?"

We're all going to die, but it probably won't be this Sunday. People can go days without food and frankly, that question is part of the problem. Have you ever seen someone scream at their spouse, kick a dog, or almost fight a stranger because they really need to eat something? You think that's how humans are meant to function?

The answer is no. Regularly practicing fasting helps us use fuel (food) more efficiently. It conditions the body to be able to function optimally even when food isn't readily available. After a few weeks of fasting on Sundays, having to skip lunch because you're busy at work or eating dinner late at night won't be a problem because you can handle 24 hours without eating. Fasting also helps normalize and optimize our hormone levels so over time we see improved body composition, cognitive and sexual function, better management of moods, and healthier skin, teeth, and hair. It also gives your overworked digestive system a chance to rest.

"Isn't this starving myself?"

Again, yes and no. You are withholding calories from your body, but unless you were severely deficient in calories before Sunday, it won't make a difference. If you had a great Saturday, you're likely to restore some balance to the caloric equation anyhow. Let's be clear: not eating for 24 hours is one of the healthiest things that you can do for your body. This is well documented in the research.

It will likely suck the first couple of weeks, but it quickly becomes a breeze and I promise that you will be amazed by how much more time you have when you aren't thinking of, cooking, or eating food all day.

Disclaimer: I know that someone will tell me that this is dangerous for people who have eating disorders, so I shouldn't say it. So, first of all, if that's the case then the problem isn't fasting...the problem is the EATING DISORDER. Seek the appropriate help. Secondly, all other things being equal, the psychological deload that one gets from a day without food may actually be beneficial to someone with such a disorder as there is no food, therefore no worry about food (still, not a doctor; seek help). Finally, this is not a "more is better" proposition. 1 day is perfect, 2 days are terrible. Don't be terrible.

"What does this look like in practice?"

Even simpler than it looks in theory. Let's run through what I'd eat from Friday morning to Sunday night.

Friday morning I'll have some Bulletproof Coffee**, five whole cage-free eggs with peppers and onions, some real bacon (no nitrates), and an apple. For lunch I have about ten ounces of grass-fed beef, two to three servings of kale sauteed in garlic and olive oil, a big handful of almonds, and a lot of water. As a snack after I train in the afternoon I'll drink a smoothie with coconut milk, some spinach, frozen fruit, and whey protein powder (Do you even lift?). Then, for dinner I'll have about ten ounces of chicken breast with maybe two sweet potatoes cooked in a way that will make them taste good, plus some vegetables also cooked in one or two of many ways.

On Saturdays it's usually pancakes for breakfast. I might snack on some chips later or have a sandwich with some gourmet root beer. Then, for dinner, I go out somewhere and eat something awesome and I always always always order dessert.

When I wake up on Sunday it's black coffee in the morning, water the rest of the day, and whatever I want for dinner.

I understand some concerns that some people may have, so let me moderate those.

Yes, that is a lot of food. I eat a lot of food because I'm usually very active and have very specific physical goals that require the intake of a lot of food.

No, I'm not going to have a heart attack. My free test levels are outstanding and my blood markers are awesome.

No, that doesn't break the bank. I spend about $60-70 dollars a week on food. If that sounds like a lot, realize that I am eating roughly 1.5 to 2 times what a normal person eats. People regularly spend more money out at dinner than I do in a couple days.

So, what have we learned today? Humans basically suck at food. But, that's okay. Thankfully, we are great at systems and strategies and because of that we leverage our shortcomings for better results.

What are those better results? Increased health, good looks as a side effect, and overall a better, grimy-gripped life. But more importantly, the stress that we bring to the simple act of eating (counting calories, figuring out hunger cues, cheating like it's the SATs) is curbed and replaced by the centuries old tradition of enjoying the stuffing of one's face.

So, what steps can you take this week to transition to a better way of eating? Let us know in the comments below.

Be practical. Eat Paleo. Stay filthy.



*I am well aware that there are studies that demonstrate organic foods MAY be more healthful than conventional foods. But, that's not how science works. One needs to review the entire body of evidence as a whole and draw conclusions from it, rather than touting a single survey done in a vacuum as gospel. As it stand right now, the body of evidence in this matter is split right down the middle. So, on the whole, (please note the specific phrasing of the rest of this sentence) at this time we have no reason to believe that eating organic food is better for one's health or that eating conventional food is worse for one's health.

**After a bit more experimentation, there are some notable caveats to consuming Bulletproof Coffee. For the uninitiated, BC is coffee blended with grass fed butter and coconut oil (often times MCT oil is used). To summarize my experience briefly, I got chubby pretty quickly. To summarize some other folks experience, their blood lipid profiles were wrecked. So, the first caveat is that, depending on serving size, BC will add between 400-800 calories to your diet a day. Despite the hype, there is no form of eating that is not affected by the amount of calories you consume. So, unless you're grossly underweight, BC will cause unnecessary weight gain unless you remove those calories from meals later in the day. I prefer to eat calories instead of drinking them, so I cut it out. Secondly, get some blood work done before you try BC. Then get it done a month later (try not to make any other changes during this month). If things are looking significantly worse, maybe BC is not for you. That's the important part of all of this; experiment and see what works for you.



Assignment of the Week (AOW): Read at least one poem a day. Sit in quiet, preferably alone, and drink in the words on the page. Contemplate what the author is saying, his/her choice of words, and your initial gut reaction to the poem. Then, note your reaction after the contemplation. Let us know what poems you read in the comments below. Have a great week.

You Can Resolve Better Than That

If you're like most people, first of all, cut that out. You are far too bright to strap on the boots of conformity and wander down the middle of the road. You're better than that. Secondly, you've probably given some thought to your New Year's resolutions.

There tend to be two schools of thought on the matter. The first begins and ends their journey to betterment by tweeting "New Year, New Me" before picking up the same tired way of life that has defined their discontent (if you need a "new you" you're probably not content). It only takes a moment to discover why this isn't favorable...you guessed it, they're tweeting. The second school prefers to chide annual goal-setters with the remarkably deep mantra, "Now is the best time to make a change." While the sentiment of such a statement is admirable, if you can't understand why January 1 is a good day to start on a new goal, I suggest you buy a calendar and take a good look at the first page.

Page One

So, how can we become members of this exclusive club that sets rugged resolutions for 2014 and resolves them ruthlessly. Well, my alliteratively dazzled readers, below are ten ideas to help ensure your success.

1. Go bigger

While it may seem counter-intuitive to go big if you've had trouble keeping a resolution in the past, there are a couple practical reasons why this works. First of all, you are likely far more capable than you think you are. Failures in your past may very likely have been a result of you not being challenged enough. Big goals demand that you rise to the occasion and put in the work. Secondly, small goals are often insignificant goals and because of their insignificance, they are either forgotten or cast aside.

For example, deciding to run a 5k or 10k race is admirable, but anyone who is reasonably active can finish one running and just about any ambulatory individual can finish walking. What this means is that you can sit around all year, slack off, change nothing about your life, and then finish a 5k in December. How has your life improved from this? Can you do this with an ultra-marathon? That's a serious question and the answer is no. You can't run the Quad Dipsea on a bag of Cheetos and a week's notice; it demands commitment and preparation.

So, if you like the Spartan Race, try a GoRuck Challenge or 20x Event. Instead of a resort vacation, try a backpacking getaway. Don't just finish school, finish with honors.

Whatever you choose, don't short change yourself by going too small.

2. Write it down

If you don't write it down it's not a resolution, it's just a good idea. We go to bed every night and wake up every day with all these great ideas and plenty of things to do. Science says that we really only do the ones that we write down. A recent study (that you can find on your own because you're a grown up and also have the internet) concluded that tasks which aren't written down have only a 15% chance of being completed. Give yourself an 85% edge and put that pen to paper.

3. Make it a S.M.A.R.T. goal

Since you know how links work (not sausage...but also sausage), we can gloss over some of those details. I've written before about why specificity is important, so let me just summarize and clarify.

Vague goals give you an out. "Get in shape" is achieved by losing one pound and "save money" is accomplished by hiding a dollar in your sock drawer. Drawing up a goal according to SMART criteria gives you an exact target to hit, a way to track progress, and a time frame in which to achieve it.

In essence, it means your resolution is no longer just a fun thing to talk about at parties. It is now the hallowed, glittering treasure for which you embark upon a filthy-fingered quest!

4. Embrace residuals

Some goals are better than others simply because they require the completion of smaller, residual goals while other goals allow and even promote the deterioration of other parts of your life.

Paying for and owning a Ferrari is a lofty goal and requires plenty of hard work. But, it also demands what is likely to be most of your income, time, and interest as it requires so much maintenance, ridiculous taxation, and oodles of hours of driving just to make the purchase worth it. On the flip side, competing in an open ocean swim race has positive benefits for most all areas of your life. You will have to manage your time effectively to accommodate for training and recovery, which in turn will help you balance the rest of your day efficiently. You will have to square away your nutrition to perform optimally, which will improve your overall health. You will have to manage your money better to pay for race dues and equipment, which will teach you effective budgeting habits.

Simply put, by choosing resolutions that provide more bang for their buck, you are optimizing the progress that you can make in a year.

5. Account for variables

In 1910, Robert Falcon Scott and Roald Amundsen set out on a brutal race against one another to see who could reach the South Pole first. Spoiler alert: Amundsen not only got there first, he was also able to return home from what was a seemingly smooth journey. Scott, on the other hand, arrived to find Amundsen's flag waving triumphantly and he and his companions died on their return voyage home. The difference in outcomes can largely be attributed to each man's ability (or inability) to account for variables.

"Bow down, bitches." - Roald Amundsen

Amundsen required his crew to travel 20 miles every day; no more, no less. Some days this was daunting and others it was a walk in the Antarctic park. It meant that they were overall well-rested, in good spirits, and reasonably consumed and spaced out their rations.

Scott's crew, on the other hand, traversed as far as they could daily, leading to constant fatigue, over-exertion, and minimal progress. A 50 mile journey to complete exhaustion one day required a very short journey the next, as well as ample rest and food for recovery. Ultimately, Scott and his crew starved to death, over-exerted in the snow.

The lesson here is that some weeks, saving 15% of your income will be no problem and other weeks it may be a pinch, but it will get you to your goal of saving X amount of money, no matter how slow and steady. Accounting for those variables and setting reasonable boundaries will still get you to your goal, even in times of discomfort.

While trying to save 25% a week sounds noble and gung ho, spending nights without food or electricity or going into debt just to hit a savings goal seems to miss the point entirely and accomplishes the opposite of what was intended.

6. Focus on patterns/habits

This is twofold.

Firstly, no single act will make or break your success. Success and failure are dictated by the sum of your actions, aka your habits.

Eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked in one sitting will not make you fat, though it will make you happy and bloated. Eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked in one sitting EVERY NIGHT will certainly make you fat, though likely exponentially happier and bloatier. Likewise, eating a salad and doing 100 burpees once will not help you lose weight and will not get you in better shape. Doing it every day will. You'll also probably throw up the salad at least twice, but that's not really the point.

Secondly, as you may have noticed, there are in fact other people in the world. Depending on your resolution, the accomplishment of your goals may depend slightly on one or more of those near 7 billion people. For example, winning a race requires your opponents to run more slowly than you. Graduating at the top of your class requires students to place beneath you and marrying and starting a life with someone requires someone to feel the same way.

If all you are reading from the above is that your goals are someone else's problem, please try not to be so wrong all the time. Your goals are your responsibility, but sometimes other people happen.

While some folks may try, you cannot control other people. You can only focus on the patterns and habits that will lead you to your success. So instead of focusing on what your opponent is doing and what you can do to ensure that she runs more slowly, focus on what it will take for you to run faster. What pace will it take to beat her best finish time? What kind of training will it take for you to reach that pace? What can you do daily as a habit to meet that standard? Where have you been all my li i i ife?

7. Have a plan

It seems obvious, right? But, you'd be amazed at how many people (myself included) neglect this crucial step of the process. Having the best goal in the world, being obsessively specific, and having the perfect timeline and environment all mean nothing if you don't have a plan.

Thankfully, as we are talking about resolutions for the new year, we have a really simple framework on which to organize a plan of action.
We have exactly 365 days with which to work. If we divide that full year into quarters, we have four, 3 month quarters. Each month is about 4 weeks.
So, we need to have tangible milestones to hit every 3 months. Every month should have some sort of marker working towards each milestone. Every week should have a specific objective that takes us towards that marker and every day should have daily tasks that help accomplish that objective.

If your goal is to save a specific amount of money (X), just assume you'll have it on 12/31/14 and work backwards from there. The first quarter can be focused on eliminating student debt while saving 10% of your income, the second to eliminating credit debt and maintaining that savings, the third being saving one half of X, and the fourth reaching X.

What can you do weekly to hit those milestones? What can you do daily, no matter how small to reach those weekly objectives? This can be adapted to literally any goal.

8. Execute the plan

Again, this seems obvious but it's probably the most skipped step. This is one of the biggest reasons why people start their resolutions on January 1, because they need a push to get them going.

There is no starting tomorrow. There is no starting Monday. There is no spoon.

January 1. Get out of bed, put your feet on the floor, and engage your opponent relentlessly. You are your opponent. Your opponent is a spoon. There is no you.

We went a little heavy on the Keanu. 

9. Shut up about it

This is going to seem contrary to everything you've heard about setting goals. You're supposed to tell everyone. You're supposed to put up pictures and quotes on Facebook, snap shots on Instagram, and have your friends tell their friends to tell their friends, that way they can hold you accountable and all come together around a campfire and support you. 

Have you met people?

Literally five people actually care about your goals. Everyone else falls into a spectrum from "thinks it's the worst ever" to "sounds cool but I don't actually care/might try to ruin it." The second you start telling people about your goals is the second people start coming out of the wood work to make sure you don't reach them. Most people don't even know they are doing it and some actually think they're doing you a favor. 

If you decide that you're going to adopt a Paleo lifestyle (let the confusion begin) friends will tell you how much better the South Beach Diet is or they will miss the point entirely and tell you that it's not how Paleo man ate. 

If you decide to pack on 20 pounds of muscle you will get all sorts of erroneous advice from people who don't even exercise, not to mention the hordes of loved ones who will say it's unhealthy or you'll get "too big."

If you resolve to get into a top ten law school I guarantee you that some of the closest people in your life will come up will a wide range of ways to talk you out of it, including but not limited to, "in 10 years there will be too many lawyers", "that's a lot of student loans", and my personal favorite, "I can't see you as a lawyer."

In the next 365 days, you will myriad reasons to quit staring you in the face. You don't need any more than that. Do yourself a favor and eliminate the threat of hundreds of ill-informed opinions from people who feel entitled to have a say in your actualization as a person. Keep it to yourself.

10. Enjoy the ride

Thinking about 2013 and my resolutions, I remember being relentlessly choked out over and over again by competitive purple belts in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I remember hundred degree heat at 1:00am as I stumbled across the terrain, half my bodyweight in a rucksack on my back, low on water and miles from the finish point. I remember hours of holding crying babies (nieces and nephews; not mine or a stranger's) knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it. I remember wearing shorts and my lips actually shaking from being so cold while trying to wedge a Land Rover out of the snow on the side of the mountain. And I remember the cramps in my back and the tedious wandering of my mind in what seemed like hours of visualization and meditative practice. I can't help but think about how awesome all of it was.

This awesome.

When you have a goal and you pursue that goal with everything you have, you start to enjoy every step of the way, no matter how painful or labored it may be. You enjoy it because you know that no matter how much it hurts, how hard it is, or how unpopular it is, each step is taking you another step closer to your goal. When you embrace the suck and enjoy the process, not only does the completion of the goal become more rewarding, so does each moment you spend getting there. You see its importance in the bigger picture. You see how many of those moments it takes to complete the whole goal and because of that, you appreciate every moment and what you can learn from it. 

So, it sounds crazy, but wear your bloody socks as a badge of honor on your way to your 50k race. Relish the all-nighters in the school library as hours spent in pursuit of academic excellence. Learn from the hypoxia and stress fractures from the selection pipeline on your way to that Trident or Beret. And enjoy that dirt on your hands. It means you've spent the past year in charge of your life, not settling for where you've been. 

Thank you for reading and Happy New Year. 

Dirt On Your Hands, In A Nutshell

I get asked a lot of questions about this site (really, an entire lot). So before we get back into the swing of things, let's get these inquiries out of the way. Here's who we are and what we do in a nutshell.

First of all, yes we are back.

Why?

It's simple. Last we spoke, we left with the impression that you had stepped things up a bit and decided that wading in the kiddie pool of mediocrity just wasn't for you. We thought that you were ready to dive in the deep end and breaststroke to the best life possible, setting rugged goals, taking direct action, and smirking like a Nike swoosh as you conquer each one of them.

It turns out we were wrong. Somewhere along the way, you got scared, bored, and complacent. You settled for settling and along the way your hands lost their hue and silt; they grew soft and pale. You cleaned up. Maybe we did, too.

                                              Not the good kind of settling.


We're back because to hell with that; because damn the torpedoes. We're back because join or die.

So, what is Dirt On Your Hands?

Again, it's simple. Hanging on the wall above my desk (notice the subtle change in voice) looms a framed 8.5"x11" piece of paper with no glass cover. On the paper sits a grid, fifty-two squares across and eighty squares down. Perched in the top left corner above the first square is my date of birth. Holding up the bottom right corner is the same date, eighty years later.

This aging, wrinkled page is my life*.

Each square represents a week of my life. Those weeks that I've already lived are filled in and every week that goes by is darkened accordingly.

So, what the hell is the point of this?

My life (and yours) is ending before my very eyes. The seconds that I spend on this earth are diminishing as I type this. They are counting down on Justin Timberlake's forearm. In short, we are inching closer to death every second.  This makes every moment precious. Minutes are money that you can't refund or exchange no matter how badly you want to. So, how are you going to spend those minutes?

                    "We'll move to Arizona, babe. They don't have daylight savings."

How many of those minutes are you going to spend in a classroom learning Algebra and Geography? How many are you going to spend in traffic driving to and from a job that you can only describe as "good enough"? How many of those minutes are you going to spend on the receiving end of cathode rays, mindless entertainment streaming in and out of your head while your heart rate crawls to a halt in what Kelly Starrett calls the "Sit of Death"?

Now how many minutes do you want to spend speaking a foreign language in its home country or slurring those words over a native feast? How many will you spend on the Pacific Crest Trail, watching the sun rise to your right and fall to your left with no other soul within a hundred miles to hog its rays? How many will be spent under a barbell, on a mat, or under the load of a rucksack, far away in hostile territory? How many will you spend reading books that shaped the world or writing the next words that will sharpen its edges? How many will you spend serving others? If the answer is more than one, you'll have to get your hands dirty.

Here's what it comes down to. In ten, twenty, thirty years or more, you may be a grandparent. Your grandkids are going to sit on your lap and like you probably did at their age, they'll want to hear stories. Are you going to tell them about all the episodes of Real Housewives that you've seen or your high score on Xbox; how many Tinder matches you have or the hours you waited in line for the new iPhone?

They're going to ask you why your hands are so soft and why you don't have any scars; why every picture in the house is of places you wished you'd gone. Are you going to answer with "well, I was going to but..."?

In a nutshell, we'd prefer you didn't.




*I stole this idea from Craig Weller.

The Wednesday Collage Part 5: There is a Light That Never Goes Out

I digitally cataloged my CD collection today. All the featured songs come from a drunken stumble down memory lane.

"Love American"- Give Up the Ghost This band (and Wesley Eisold, in general) basically shaped my thoughts on art and style.

                                                  Dream come true.

"There is a Light That Never Goes Out" - The Smiths Way before 500 Days of Summer made them cool. That makes me a hipster.

                                                  Helloooo, Dolly.

"Bed of Nails" - Husker Du Got to see a Bob Mould show this year. Some people are more prolific than others.

                                                   Hang ten.

"L'Via L"Viaquez" - The Mars Volta Way more punk rock than you think.

Tron.

"My Babe" - Little Walter The original Weezy.

The Diner

by Richard Jones

The short-order cook and the dishwasher
argue the relative merits
of Rilke’s Elegies
against Eliot’s Four Quartets,
but the delivery man who brings eggs
suggests they have forgotten Les fleurs
du mal and Baudelaire. The waitress
carrying three plates and a coffee pot
can’t decide whom she loves more—
Rimbaud or Verlaine,
William Blake or William Wordsworth.
She refills the rabbi’s cup
(he’s reading Rumi),
asks what he thinks of Arthur Whaley.
In the booth behind them, a fat woman
feeds a small white poodle in her lap,
with whom she shares her spoon.
"It’s Rexroth’s translations of the Japanese,"
she says, "that one can’t live without:
May those who are born after me
Never travel such roads of love."
The revolving door proffers
a stranger in a long black coat, lost in the madhouse poems of John Clare.
As he waits to be seated,
the woman who owns the place
hands him a menu
in which he finds several handwritten poems
By Hafiz, Gibran, and Rabindranath Tagore.
The lunch hour’s crowded—
the owner wonders
if the stranger might share
my table. As he sits,
I put a finger to my lips,
and with my eyes ask him
to listen with me
to the young boy and the young girl
two tables away
taking turns reading aloud
the love poems of Pablo Neruda.

                                                         " Rust" by J. Bannon

Stay filthy.

Stack Your Life

Socrates once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Well, look what happened to him. He's dead, if you weren't sure. Imprisoned by his own friends and then forced to drink hemlock. But, don't worry! This wasn't a result of examining his life, but of corrupting the youth. So, let's go on examining our lives and not talk to children at all.

In all seriousness, if we are on a quest for the best life possible with the grungiest of grips, then some self-examination is not only helpful, but necessary. Lately, I've been using a little exercise that I like to call Life Stacks to see if my life is on the right track or if I've strayed from the course. You may be wondering what this course of which I speak actually is. Simply put, it's doing what you love and living by a set of standards that are important to you. This is where the self-examination comes in as you need to know what is actually important to you.

Knowing what is important to you can be a very difficult task simply because we must differentiate between what gives us pleasure and what truly fulfills us (unless getting pleasure truly fulfills you, in which case you're wasting time reading this when you could be eating a snow-cone in a massage chair). This takes careful thought and a little bit of hard work. If your list of important things is too long you must wonder how much time you actually spend on these things. If too short, you may need to broaden your horizons. I find it helpful to have a clear and concise list of around 10 things (I have 8) that are of sincere importance to you. Having a tangible and breviloquent list of that which is tantamount in your life alleviates any worries you may have regarding decision making, time spent, or even where your money goes. How? If you're thinking about spending time, money, or effort on something that really isn't that important, then why are you doing it? You probably should have a very strong reason to do so. And this is where the Life Stacks come in; they allow you to see if you are actually spending your time, money, and efforts on worthwhile pursuits.

Here's how it works. Get out a piece of paper and something with which to write. Make 2 columns or "stacks". 1 stack is going to be your list of things that are important to you. The other stack is a list of things on which you spend the majority of your energies and resources. It's helpful to have stacks of equal size (8 in each stack or 10 or whatever). Now, simply match them up. How many items appear in both stacks? Any? If you're living an awesome life the answer should be all. If it's not, you now know what you need to work on and you can develop a plan and set a goal (see last week's post) for how to get there.

                                                                    Stacked.

Here's an example using my stacks. The items are in no particular order:

Important                                                 
God (praying, reading scripture, and serving others)                                                          
Friends/Family (catching up/spending time with)                                            
Food (focusing on and eating quality foods in my own kitchen, rather than buying garbage)                                                      
Coffee (quality roasts and well-made espressos over Starbucks quickies and Folgers goo)                                                        
Style (owning a few quality, timeless items instead of oodles of Ed Hardy t-shirts)                                                          
Fitness (this is everything from lifting, mobility, and sprinting to climbing, surfing, and backpacking)                                                          
Music (writing and finding new stuff)                                                          
Books (at least one every 2 weeks)

Actual
Work (is this what I want to be/should be doing?)
Facebook (how many times did I refresh the News Feed this hour?)
TV (do I enjoy this show or am I just passing time?)
Lifting (how much time do I need to spend reading about it when it only takes an hour?)
Pinterest (I'm not a girl getting married nor am I into mason jars)
Suit Up or Die (it takes 5 minutes twice a week, not an hour a day)
Craigslist motorcycle shopping (can't afford it)
Stress (sitting around worrying is unproductive)

As you can see I have a lot of work to do as none of the items on my stacks match up. Now, I could argue that things like Pinterest and SUoD influence my style, Facebook counts as friend time, and work enables all the others, but that would be rationalizing poor decisions when I should be trying to make better ones.

I can also use stacks to see where I'm spending most of my energy and where energy should be directed. It's obvious that I spend too much time cruising around the internet as 5 of the 8 in the actual stack are internet-based. This takes away from time I could spend reading or playing music. I also end up buying things I don't need but see on the internet, so I have less money to spend on good food and coffee. The more I stress, the crazier my hormones get and instead of putting down a spinach salad I appease my craving for maple bar donuts. I could go out and grab a drink with friends or I could watch reruns of Bones.

After examining both lists it's pretty easy to see where you're going wrong, where you're going right, and how to fix it. So, give this a shot if you're feeling like making some improvements. And for heaven's sake, stop corrupting the youths. It's bad enough they're still using YOLO.                                                    

The Wednesday Collage Part 4: Not Sorry

Your goal should be to be this rad.

Stay Filthy.

"Springsteen" - Eric Church

                                                 Back

"Everybody Talks" - Neon Trees

                                                Triumph

"Not Sorry" - Downtown Struts

                                                             Copycat

"Rock n' Roll Music" - The Beatles

                                                Triumph

Mahler's 8th Symphony Finale